The daily laureate
Biggest Poo of the Day
Somewhere, right now, a person has quietly had the biggest poo of the day. They will probably never tell anyone. World’s Biggest Poo exists so that, should they choose to tell an obscure website instead of a therapist, a committee of imaginary dignitaries will acknowledge it with full ceremonial weight.
What is the Biggest Poo of the Day award?
The Biggest Poo of the Day is World’s Biggest Poo’s flagship daily honour. It is awarded, each 24 hours, to exactly one contender — the one the public votes for. It is not a medical ranking, a health diagnostic, or a plumbing advisory. It is an entirely unofficial title that exists purely because someone has to get it, and the internet has decided it should be voted on with full ceremony.
How a winner is selected
Each submission is text-only and strictly non-graphic. We do not accept photos, videos, detailed anatomical descriptions, or anything that would make a stationery supplier uncomfortable. Every contender is listed on the homepage with a Vote button. The daily champion is simply the contender with the most public votes at reset. The committee’s sole remaining duty is paperwork. Four ceremonial metrics accompany each entry to help voters decide:
- Impact — the self-declared magnitude, rounded for decency.
- Duration — how long the event ran, in broadly honest minutes.
- Flush confidence — whether the matter concluded without incident.
- Committee gravitas — the tone of the write-up, which often sways the public mood.
Prototype note: votes are currently counted in your browser session only. A persistent backend for shared, global voting is a planned upgrade and is not yet live. Nothing on this page pretends otherwise.
What the winner actually receives
The daily champion receives an embossed, downloadable Certificate of Singular Magnitude, a short laureate blurb, and a permanent line in the Hall of Fame. No cash prize. No brand sponsorships. No shipping of a physical trophy, as the logistics of that would immediately ruin the joke.
Why this exists
“Every civilisation has its ceremonies. Most are dignified. This is the one we ended up with.”
Awards, it turns out, are simply a decision to take something seriously on purpose. World’s Biggest Poo takes a small, universal, absurd daily event and awards it the pomp normally reserved for cheese rolling championships and minor local bake-offs. The joke is the formality. The formality is the joke.
How to enter
- Open the homepage.
- Choose a nickname that a Victorian butler could say with a straight face.
- Fill in the metrics, keep the description dry, and submit.
- Rally some voters. Return at reset to see whether the public was swayed.